if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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