hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
