I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
