You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
