I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
