I'm lost and stupid without you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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