Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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