I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Life without a bra equals bliss.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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