so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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