is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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