Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
