we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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