Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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