He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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