Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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