This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
