I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize