we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
