I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
