you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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