you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
