Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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