If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
