u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
