My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
