he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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