I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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