so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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