New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
