it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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