why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
