I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
