I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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