we're blogging at a bar
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
