you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i've created a new STD.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
