I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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