can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize