Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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