Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
