You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
