your thong is hanging out like whoa
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
