It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize