I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she told me i tasted like america
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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