I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
