your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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