Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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