You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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