i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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