he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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