I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
