Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My vagina just recognized that song.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
