Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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