In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
