Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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