How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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