i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
