I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
