Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
